


Pathfinder's Logs

by Viqueen



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: F/M, Kinda, Post-Game, Sara Ryder is an anxious mess, Scott's POV on Sara's POV?, but she gets better, mentions of Scott/Vetra, rated for mostly for language
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-19
Updated: 2018-03-22
Packaged: 2019-03-21 05:04:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13733757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Viqueen/pseuds/Viqueen
Summary: So many lofty expectations were shattered mere moments after their arrival in Andromeda.Losing her father, having his mantle shoved onto her unprepared shoulders, Sara struggled without her brother at her side.The only way she found she could manage was by talking to him, even before he was there to talk back.





	1. Log 1 - Habitat 7

Scott staggered into his father's quarters, only slightly tripping over the threshold into the dark room. Though he supposed it was really his sister’s room since she was the Pathfinder… or was it _his_ considering Sara's semipermanent residence on the Tempest? Scott rubbed his eyes and kicked his shoes off across the room.

Thinking hurt.

He waved the lights on, trying not to trip over his sore feet. And legs. And every other part of him.

Physical therapy was an absolute bitch.

Lying in a coma for months after centuries of cryo. Forcing his still-recuperating body to rush around the Nexus and getting his idiot-self captured by a hostile force-

Yeah... he was going to hurt for a while yet.

At least the headaches were improving. He tried not to think of how it felt to have his brain hacked into. The Archon tearing into his mind through his implant, clawing down every mental barrier he threw up, picking him apart layer by layer-

Scott shuddered.

He neared the bed, fully intent on dropping down and passing out, when one of the screens across the room pinged. A small notification box blinking in the bottom corner. Scott groaned, looking at the mattress mournfully before shuffling over to the desk. He tapped a key, wincing as he eased down into the chair, and a moment later his sister's face filled the screen.

"Scott!" Sara grinned, but it quickly wilted to a concerned frown. “Shit, did I wake you up? You look like crap.”

He snorted, “You always say the nicest things. I'm fine. PT is just beating my ass.”

Sara narrowed her eyes, “You're sure?”

Scott smiled, shifting to a more upright position, "Don't worry. I'll be fighting fit before you know it.” Rubbing a sore spot on his shoulder, he steered the subject from the depressing state of his slow recovery. “Where are you now? How's everyone?” He smirked, “Vetra miss me yet?”

Sara grinned, nose wrinkling with those cute little bunny lines of hers, “You almost can’t tell with turians but,” she snickered, “she’s definitely pining.”

A pleased flush spread up Scott’s neck. He hadn’t been able to spend an inordinate amount of time with Sara’s squad before they had flown off again. However, out of all of them, he had clicked best with the taciturn turian woman. Or he had hoped he did, leaving at least some kind of impression, optimistic that it had maybe even been a positive one. So, the small confirmation from an admittedly biased source made him smile.

Sara stretched her arms above her head, ”Everyone else is doing good. We're on Voeld right now, en route to meet up with the Resistance in a few hours to take out _another_ pocket of kett.” She finished her stretch, dropping her arms behind the back of her chair. “With the Archon and Primus gone the remaining forces are disorganized. Makes it easier to take them out, but it also makes them harder to _find_ since there's no central intelligence network to hack into.”

Scott chuckled, “And here I thought Pathfinding was an easy gig. Who knew?”

“Oh shut up,” Sara glared with a smile. “ _Anyway_ , there is some good news. SAM says the ice is starting to melt, so it’s eventually going to look like the ocean planet it was _supposed_ to be.” She shrugged, “Not in our lifetimes, but maybe our kid’s?”

Scott nodded, "I keep forgetting about that biological imperative.” After everything that had happened since arriving in Andromeda, most of which he had _slept_ through, procreation was still the furthest thing from his mind.

"No point for us coming here if we just die off, right? Expanding our population is a necessary inevitability.” Sara chuckled, “or so Lexi tells me.”

"Speaking of which,” Scott grinned, “How’s Jaal?”

"I'm very well, Scott. Thank you,” the angara answered, sounding genuinely pleased somewhere off-screen. "Sara, do you know where I put-?”

Sara glanced at him and gestured over her shoulder, ”Bedside table.”

"Ah, of course.”

Scott chuckled, seeing the shirtless angara walk by behind his sister. "I see YOU at least are pursuing said population expansion.”

"What?" Sara blinked and half-turned, seemingly just now noticing her boyfriend's partial state of undress and scowled back at her brother. ”Oh shut up,” she muttered, the tips of her ears turning pink.

Scott snickered, ”Hey, Jaal, buddy?” The angara turned back curiously. “You’ll let me know if I'm going to be an uncle, right?”

Jaal smiled widely with a chuckle, ”Of course. If it is at all possible, I'm certain your sister and I will find out.”

"Oh my _god_ , Jaal!" Sara yelped.

Jaal quickly looked over at her, head tilted, “Did I say something wrong? It is not as if your brother doesn't know we are physically-“

"Oh my gooooooooood,” Sara groaned, trying not to laugh and burying her face in her hands.

Scott broke out into laughter, it made his ribs and back hurt like shit, but gods it felt good. Seeing Jaal still looking a little confused, he dialed himself back to a chuckle, "Ignore her, it can be a little weird for human siblings to talk about each other's sex life. I'm teasing her.”

Jaal nodded in understanding, “Ah,” and approached Sara's chair with his newly retrieved datapad in his hand. “Well, should you need me, darling one, I’ll be in the vehicle bay." Sara lifted her head and he placed a chaste kiss to her temple, speaking into her ear. "Perhaps your brother should tease you more. Your blushes are lovely.”

Scott made a loud gagging noise.

Jaal smiled at the screen, "Recover soon brother.”

"See yah Jaal." Scott smiled as Sara watched him leave. He’d heard of people being starry eyed in books, but he'd only seen it for real when his sister looked at that angara. A small part of him was jealous, but a much larger part was overjoyed for the pair.

Sara turned back to the screen and glared at him fondly, "I hate you.”

"You love me," Scott grinned. "So, what’s up? Why’d you call?”

Sara blinked for a moment, having momentarily forgotten the reason herself, and placed her hands on the desk. “Well, I wanted to send you a few things, but I don't know if you'd want them.”

Scott raised a curious brow, ”What are they?”

"Video logs. I-" she rubbed the back of her neck, looking a little embarrassed. "I started making them after Habitat 7. You were in that coma so I made entries to keep you up to date on what was happening since,” she glanced to the side, looking pained before returning to the camera, “I didn't know when you were going to wake up.”

A pang went through him. Scott hated thinking of how he'd left her alone, especially after their father's death. It hadn't been his fault- It hadn't been _anyone’s_ fault, but he still hated it. That misplaced guilt continued to gnaw at him every day he was STILL unable to help his sister on her missions.

Sara continued, “I didn’t have anyone to talk to when it all started. Not really. Looking back now it was really kinda stupid,” she said with a chuckle oozing with self-depreciation. “But even though you weren’t actually there it helped to talk to you. Some of the later ones- I kept going after you woke up. I’m not sure why but-“

“Sara," he interrupted, sensing that she was starting to ramble. “Send me the vids.” He smiled when she immediately relaxed. “I mean, so long as there isn't any icky girl stuff," he grinned when she laughed at him. "I'd like to see them.”

"All right," Sara smiled, ”Be prepared though, there’s a handful and some of them aren’t much fun.”

“Well,” Scott drawled, “Can’t say I’m too surprised, you went through a lot.”

"Just a tad,” Sara chuckled, bringing back those adorable bunny wrinkles.

Scott watched her scroll and fiddle with her omni-tool for a few moments before asking, “Why didn't you send them before?”

Sara shrugged, ”Not really sure, felt kinda superfluous I guess. It's not as if there wasn't an official record. I filled out all those stupid mission reports for one reason or another.”

A moment later, Scott's omni-tool pinged, the display showing a few dozen video files. He whistled, "You weren't kidding.”

"Shush you," she said, stifling a yawn.

“Take five sis,” Scott chuckled. “You’ve got another big day runnin' and gunnin' through the snow to look forward to.”

Sara threw her head back and groaned at the ceiling, all theatrics, “Ugh, fine.”

"And Sara?"

"Hm?"

Scott met his twin’s eyes from half a galaxy away, ”Thanks. I appreciate this. I’m just sorry that-“

Sara raised a hand, eyes stern, ”Stop. You have nothing to apologize for.”

"I know... but I'm still sorry,” he shrugged lamely.

Sara’s expression softened, ”Love you little brother.”

"Love you, sleep good.” He stressed his next words, “Be _safe_.”

“Always,” she promised. “Night,” she tapped her keyboard and the screen went dark.

Scott leaned back in the chair, idly scrolling up and down through the orange holo display. He went back down to the oldest entry and transferred it to the main desk screen.

A moment later Sara appeared on-screen again, not on the Tempest, but the Hyperion’s Pathfinder quarters, creating a strange mirror-image of the room behind him. Her hair was longer than it had appeared a moment ago, not a short undercut, but the messy shoulder length braid she’d gone to sleep with over six centuries ago. She looked haggard and her brown eyes, a mirror to his own, were red rimmed and tired.

"Hey Scott, um," Sara shook her head. "What am I doing?" she muttered to herself, looking to the side and sighing. Several seconds passed before she spoke again, ”You're asleep. Hyperion hit some kind of anomaly once we got to Andromeda and your pod was damaged-” she scowled. "Why am I telling you that? You'll know this by the time you wake up. If you- When- Fuck!” she barked, gritting her teeth, eyes shut tight, forcing herself to calm back down.

Scott leaned forward, frowning. He hadn’t seen her so agitated in _years_. Although, it was hardly surprising, so much had happened to her in that first day. Sara always seemed to have her shit together. Scott had never been lazy or slow to address trouble, but Sara had always been that extra step above him. Always the confident one, the risk-taker, the first one to jump in to lend a hand or attack a problem. Most of that confidence was naturally her’s, but a sizable part of it was to compensate for her equally innate anxiety. She had always measured herself up against their parents and their achievements. So, to compensate, Sara had adopted a fake-it-til-you-make-it mentality when they were still children. Unfortunately this had only made their father set higher expectations for her, an ever rising bar she could never reach, Scott thought bitterly.

"We got to Habitat 7,” she said finally with false cheer. “The whole planet is toxic. Unbreathable air, floating rocks and electrical storms so bad that they, not only shot down our shuttles, but kept us grounded too.” She sighed, “So much for golden worlds, right? I mean, it would have been amazing to study the planet if it only hadn’t been actively trying to kill us.” Sara shook her head, “Coming here is looking more and more like the worst kind of mistake. We made first contact though, which _also_ went to hell as soon as it started.” She put a hand on her chest, eyes opened wide, “Are you shocked? Because I’m _incredibly_ shocked. And I’m honest,” she held up two fingers in salute, “five seconds into seeing these guys- Big, armored fucks with some kind of bone plating- They started firing on us.” She frowned furiously at a memory, shutting her eyes tight and Scott could see her shoulders shaking a little. “They shot Kirkland in cold-blood. Killed him.” She had to blink away tears when she opened them again, “That’s not a language barrier thing. He was unarmed, on the ground, and those bastards didn’t hesitate.”

Sara’s breaths were increasing in tempo, tears standing in her eyes, “Should’ve _known_ that things would only _keep_ getting worse from there. The planet had this monolith, a tower with tech causing the haywire weather. The aliens were trying to get to it too, but we beat them to the door. Dad and SAM shut it down,” she made a lost, hopeless gesture with her hands, “Still trying to figure out how they did it, translating the tech's language _somehow_ , but they did it.” A deep exhale, “Something finally went right.”

Scott’s heart broke. He knew what had happened next.

“Something knocked us off the platform.” Sara studied her hands, appearing to only now notice how much they were shaking, “My faceplate- I was suffocating Scott,” she choked back a sob, hugging herself and shaking her head. “I’ve never been so scared- And I went cave-diving with _you_ ,” she gave a shuddering laugh. “Everything was going black so fast I couldn’t think over the panic, but,” she sniffed, "Dad was always the hero type.” She looked down, rubbing her eyes, "You'll know he's dead by the time you see this. I don’t even know why I'm telling you here, it's just-" she rubbed her eyes again, the tears not letting up, “Fuck.”

Scott blinked back his own tears. It hurt to see her like this, to live these events through her. Knowing she’d been alone in the aftermath. If he had been there he could have done something. Anything! Knowing she had recovered and persevered through it all, that she was hale and hearty with a squad who loved her and a man who loved her infinitely more than that- only made this minutely more bearable to see. Scott reflected, he had never been close to their father, only growing further apart from The Great Alec Ryder as he’d grown older. He had seen the expectations Alec had put on them, things that he had shaken off, but had gradually worn his sister down when she took on the sisyphean task of gaining their father’s approval. Looking back he regretted some of his less charitable feelings, but the fact remained that he had followed his sister to this new galaxy. Not their father.

Sara sighed heavily, "I just can't believe- You never thought anything could touch him, y'know? But-" she sniffed, looking down at her hands, finding it hard to look at the screen, avoiding eye contact even with her own reflection. "Dad was never the most present of fathers,” she gave a watery laugh, “Well, _obviously_ … But, he cared about us. I know you and he butted heads, but he _did_ ,” she urged, then chuckled wryly. “Though I’ll admit that he was kinda shit at showing it.” She took a deep breath and shook her head as if to collect herself. "With Dad gone. Scott,” she looked up at the screen, bewildered, "I'm the human Pathfinder now. SAM is in _my_ head. The transfer nearly overloaded my implant. Nearly killed me- Actually,” she shrugged with another empty chuckle, "it _did_ kill me. For a couple seconds at least.” She ran her fingers through her hair, absently touching the back of her neck and Scott knew she was feeling the incision site for her implant.

“I'm not qualified for this job. I don't have any training for this, but... I'm stuck,” she shrugged, drained. Hopeless. “SAM's in my head, so there's no going back at this point... but this all feels like a dream. I can’t help but _hope_ I’m still in cryo and this's all just some horrible nightmare.” She propped her elbows up on the desk, putting her face in her hands. Several long moments passed until she looked up, eyes brimming with tears, desperation and pain.

"I need you here Scott. Please wake up soon.” A watery smile, “Love you little brother.” The log closed upon completion.

Scott turned off the screen, leaned forward on the desk and began to cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Less gloomy logs incoming. Promise.  
> We all know this game started out depressing @.@  
> And I don't know about any of you, but I've nearly drowned twice in my life. Oxygen deprivation is fuckin terrifying


	2. Log 2 - The Nexus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait, guys! Work has been nuts!

Scott’s eyes opened to a dark ceiling, only the faint glow of idle indicator lights lending any definition to the smooth planes of metal. He knew in his bones that he’d woken early again. He hadn’t managed a single proper unassisted sleep cycle since arriving in Andromeda. Not that it mattered, he wasn’t of much use yet anyways. Shaking off that moody thought, he eased upright. He was stiff and sore, just like every morning after PT, but it was a discomfort just a notch under truly painful, meaning muscles and joints were being worked, but not overtasked in the process.

He knew he was getting better. It was improvement by inches, but progress nonetheless.

Hanging onto that more optimistic thought he gestured and only winced a little at the lights. An unintentional glance at his clock confirmed his previous guess and Scott groaned, flopping back down onto the pillow. He was still tired, but experience had shown him it wouldn’t be enough for him to sleep again. Scrubbing his palms down his face, listening to the faint thrum of electronics in the walls, he thought of his sister. Hoping her mission on Voeld had gone well. Trying not to continue dwelling on his own uselessness, he activated his omni-tool and opened the second log.

Sara’s image, orange-tinted from the omni-tool holo, appeared in front of him. She was on the Tempest this time, and in her quarters judging by the couch and wide window behind her. The stars stretched into narrow lines as the ship flew faster than light itself. His sister looked better than in the previous log- her eyes were clear, hair neatly braided and she wasn’t slumped forward on the desk. Scott smiled in reflex to her recording’s carefully optimistic grin.

“Hey Scott,” she wiggled a few fingers in greeting. “Sorry about that last entry.”

Scott frowned, not liking that she had felt the need to apologize to him for _anything_ after that disaster of a first mission. None of which she could have controlled or prevented.

Sara rubbed the back of her neck, her tone self-depreciating, “I kind of lost my cool… and in front of _Cora_ no less,” she gave a frustrated groan. “Great example I’m setting as Pathfinder. Especially since _she_ was supposed to be the one getting the job. I mean, you saw the worst of it,” she gestured at the camera, “but I was barely keeping it together in front of her and Lexi.” She snorted, smirking wryly, “Oh, I could have _easily_ blamed it on the nearly dying or the nearly having my brain explode after fusing with an AI- But that’d be too easy.” She shook her head, “Gods.”

After a deep breath and a dry chuckle, she squared her shoulders a little, “Dad always said,” and she lowered her voice to a facsimile of their father’s baritone, “ _Pain emboldens our resolve_.” She sighed, frowned to herself, “I can do better than wallowing. It’s useless. Can’t even imagine dad’s face if he’d seen me like that.”

“Stop comparing yourself to him,” Scott muttered, a small ball of irritation coiling in his chest. 

“I mean, make no mistake,” the recording continued, ignorant of his commentary. “I still have _no_ idea what I’m doing,” her laugh had a controlled if slightly anxious edge to it. “No idea what I’m _going_ to do, but I HAVE to keep a stronger face in front of everyone else. I just have to thank whatever gods that I kept it buttoned up on the Nexus,” she looked up at the ceiling, mockingly imparting thanks to whatever deities existed in this galaxy.

Scott couldn’t help but chuckle at seeing more of her usual attitude again.

“The nap definitely helped. You’d think after six-hundred-and-thirty-four years, I wouldn’t _need_ to sleep again just yet, but-“ she shrugged with a chuckle. “SAM helped me with that- It’s kind of crazy,” she smiled broadly. “I mean, I knew that the SAMs were advanced and they can do these things, but it’s way different to actually experience them. He really _does_ assist on a physiological level- increasing adrenaline, accelerating lactic acid breakdown, speeding up synaptic potentiation-” she was grinning fully now, an excited light making her eyes sparkle. “I almost can’t wait to do a field test. It’s so cool!”

He snickered softly, expression fond, “Nerd.”

“So, yeah, SAM helped me get a stellar power-nap on the way to the Nexus,” she glanced to her left where the source of a blue light was just out of reach of the screen. “Was it all hormonal? Or did you fiddle with neurotransmitters too?”

The halo of the blue light brightened and dimmed in time with SAM’s words, “I adjusted your melatonin and cortisol levels to ease you into a more restful state. Your own physical exhaustion is what brought on the sleep cycle.”

Sara turned back to the camera, pointing at SAM’s hub, “See?” She laughed to herself, expression turning thoughtful, “I wonder if dad ever needed help sleeping.”

Another voice broke through the recording, “Coming up on Eos, Pathfinder. ETA 20 minutes.”

“Thanks Kallo,” Sara replied brightly. Drumming the table with her fingers, she blew out a breath, “Right. Progress report.”

She lifted a finger, “First thing, we found the Nexus, which is great! What’s less great is they hit the same anomaly we did. They call it the Scourge, which is pretty apropos as far as names go.” She hesitated, rubbing her eyes, “Jien Garson and Nexus leadership were wiped out when the Scourge hit, forcing people several rungs down the ladder to fill in the empty spots. But, as things seem to go in this galaxy-“ she chuckled mirthlessly, “Things got worse.”

Sara glanced up at a momentary dimming in the interior lights as the Tempest started to decelerate out of FTL. “The back-up leaders didn’t handle things well enough to keep people happy. So, there was a mutiny, with _more_ death from the fighting and probably more after the remainder were exiled off the Nexus. So, it’s great,” she said flatly. “A chunk of our main population is already dead or off who knows where. All the krogan, save _one_ , walked out and we have no idea where the other three arks are.” She leaned back in her chair with a heavy exhale, expression wry, “Hit after hit after hit…”

Sara studied her hands in her lap, frowning, “Nexus brass knows about the towers we saw on Habitat 7, or things like them. They’re on other worlds around Heleus, which is interesting considering what they can do, but worrying because they attract kett- those bony fuckers from H7. They gave the Nexus the same welcome they gave us.” Sara’s eyes lifted back up to the screen and she laced her fingers together on the desktop. “When the arks and their Pathfinders didn’t show up the Nexus attempted to settle planets themselves. They had to try, but all attempts failed and more people were lost in the process. Either via these kett assholes or from natural hazards on the planets themselves.”

She sighed, rubbing the corners of her eyes, “Right now the Nexus is barely holding itself together. Construction still has ways to go, but they need resources, power and the people are going to be in danger of starving soon.” Her smirk had little heart behind it, “Which is where I come in. The leadership seem to be an equal mix of pleased-to-have-an-extra-hand-on-board and you-need-to-fix-everything-right-now.” She sighed, “I mean, I get it, they’ve had it really rough this last year, but I’m getting whiplash from them calling me their last hope and then in the same breath wringing their hands over me not being Dad. As if this is something I wanted or could change.” She shook her head, refocusing, “Anyways, that’s where we’re heading now. Off to this desert planet to try establish a settlement. Just me, a squad and one ship. To somehow succeed where the entire Nexus failed. Twice.”

The Tempest exited FTL and Sara turned to see the orange and red curve of Eos as it filled the viewing window. She gave a laugh and turned back to the screen, expression dubious, “No pressure, right?” Shaking her head with a resigned smile she reached toward the screen and the log cut out.

Scott dropped his arm, staring at the ceiling. His sister hadn’t believed in herself at all in the beginning, but impossibly she’d succeeded. He knew that Prodromos was a thriving settlement now and Eos’ climate was projected to grow significantly milder in the next few years. If she could manage that even with all her own misgivings, then the least he could do was to stop feeling sorry for himself and do something productive. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and pushed himself up to his feet, his body protesting the abrupt movement, but he powered through the pain. He could do more and he would do more. It just wouldn’t be right to have Sara be the only Ryder making a name for themselves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit shorter than the last chapter but im definitely thinking there's going to be a wide variation in these chapter lengths XD  
> Pretty sure the next one'll have more meat


End file.
